?

Log in

[torturing myself]'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
[torturing myself]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[28 Sep 2003|08:49pm]
BOO!

ahaahahahhaha.
7 came home last night| are you home?

[08 Jan 2003|10:46pm]
*cough*_lindz*cough*
are you home?

new people [18 Apr 2002|10:06pm]
[ mood | curious ]

THIS IS NOW A FRIENDS-ONLY JOURNAL!!

a couple people have been adding me as a friend lately, and i'd like to know who ya'll are! this is within the last 2 weeks or so. if we haven't talked, or i haven't added you back, gimme a shout please! then i shall add you back. :) thank you!

57 came home last night| are you home?

random shit [01 Mar 2002|11:15pm]
[ mood | tired ]

watched jumanji with the family including aunts and grandparents and people tonight. woothefuckhoo. i know. i was forced. i was gonna just go over to jons with annie but nooooooo ofcourse not. i get back at like 10:30 and my mom's like "you could go over now.." which is retarted cause at that time i just wanted to be comfy and get into bed like i am right now. grrrrrr!

ahem.

my throat is really bugging me. you know when it feels like something is stuck in it so you try to cough it out or whatever but it never works? doncha just hate it? that's what i thought.

i have 3 segments of unpeeled orange on my table thingie that are drying. they just keep feeling cooler and cooler although they're getting uglier and uglier.

i suck. i wanna sleep.

5 came home last night| are you home?

you look like shit, lindz [01 Mar 2002|05:33pm]
[ mood | blah ]

that's what i got from most people when i walked in the school today. thanks, eh? even teachers were like, "you arn't looking all that great" or "you don't seem that..perky..today." bitches. it's okay though. because solo told me that i'm beautiful so it's all good. :) ofcourse, that's after i sat there complaining about the meanness of people these days but you know, he still said i was beautiful. :)

this morning i made the mistake of taking 2 nightime pills instead of the daytime ones so by the time they'd kicked in i was full out sleeping. i couldn't keep my head up. i couldn't feel my legs. i couldn't keep my eyes open. i could barely walk. i swear, i'm not even exagerating here. this is prolly why people said that i looked like such shit, because i must have, but it was so stupid of me. bad lindz. whatever, it wore off by the end of lunch so i was okay for the afternoon.

nothing much happened during the day but i ended up skipping anthro again. *sighs* i have NO will-power, i swear. jen and jon were like pushing and pulling me towards the tech room and i just went along with it. me=EXTREAMLY STUPID. :\ that makes it about 2 weeks of not being in the class with only 3 classes accounted for when i was sick. fuck me..

so yeah, tonights plans are to prolly see a movie with jon cause he gets em free and you know there's nothing better than that. i think i just hung up on him but whatever, serves him right for ignoring me for the simpsons.

are you home?

[28 Feb 2002|09:31pm]
[ mood | sick ]

uhm, i stayed home again cause of my flu or whatever i have. that's 4 days out of school making it a 7 day weekend for me because i also had friday off. haha i wish it really did feel like a weekend.. blech.

i'm getting better. i'm not hacking quite so much (it only happens when i laugh which is gonna kill me tomorrow), my headaches arn't quite so bad and everything has just kindof shifted down a level except for my nose which just keeps on drippin more than ever. EW!

so my mom says that i've gotta go to school tomorrow which really doesn't surprise me cause i can actually stand up now without fainting and i ate more today which is a sortof good thing. i also had a shower about 20 minutes ago. yay for no more greecy hair! blech..

survivor was good tonight. it was the premier. there are some pretty hot guys finally.. i'm glad they kicked off the weird guy. haha, we're all "holey". good one, dude.

gotta go now. just wanted to update.

happy birthday LEN!!! *hugs*

are you home?

[27 Feb 2002|03:58pm]
[ mood | sick ]

stayed home again today.. that makes it 3 days missing school because i'm sick. blech. i don't even think i've ever gone this long without checking my friends pages. i hope nothing traumatic has happened to any of you. *hugs*

i feel like complete shit. it's like 24/7 nausiousness, headaches, bodyaches, throataches and sinus shit that doesn't make for a very happy lindsey. :(

i finally ate today. a bowl of rice krispies, toast and a mandarin. wow. i'm impressed. my rents have been getting all anal on me about not eating so they practicly made me eat. gack. atleast i haven't thrown up yet. i just feel like it.

i'm so fucking screwed for this big france presentation that i've gotta have done for monday. fuckin a. it's worth like a lot of my mark and i've known about it for like 5 months and i haven't even started working on it. FUCK. i don't even wanna do it. maybe i just won't. i don't feel like doing anything right now.

11 came home last night| are you home?

[26 Feb 2002|06:23pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

just thought that i should update to tell you that i'm still here and that i didn't fall off the face of the earth..

i've just been incredibly sick with what my mom thinks is the flu (total body pain, sore throat, massive headache, nausiousness, throwing up, all that fun stuff) and i haven't even gotten outta bed for the past 36 hours. i should go back up actually, sitting here isn't making my tummy too happy.

oh, and i haven't eaten anything in 48 hours. i'd better loose some weight.

2 came home last night| are you home?

[24 Feb 2002|10:32pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i've got a new default icon! woo. :) i honestly don't know what i'd do without iconaddicts. i feel kindof bad just lurking and not posting any icons because i SUCK at making them, but i hope none of them mind.. majour props to all those that make icons!

and my throat really hurts. :( it started this morning when i had these coughing fits with steve. it's now getting worse and my throat hurts and it hurts to sneeze and i feel so fucking sick. i guess that's what ya get for having a perfect weekend. life is so unfair.

but hopefully i won't haveta go to school tomorrow. my whole body hurts including a seriously HORRID headache. *le grand sigh*

1 came home last night| are you home?

total weekend recap.. it's gonna be a long one! [24 Feb 2002|09:04pm]
[ mood | loved ]

:) as you all know, i was with steve this weekend. i got to the train station and felt so incredibly lost that i was shaking but then he came around the corner and gave me this great big hug and it was so awesome. we took the GO train back to his house (well, basically) so that was fun. when we got to his house he opened the presents that i got him because i was dying for him to, and i'm pretty sure he likes all of the stuff. :) that night we just sat around and ate pizza and watched 5 DVDs! haha it's so great because his sister has a 5 disk changer so we didn't really even haveta get up once. score!

that night it was kindof funny because steve got the sex talk. dun dun duuuuuuuuuun! haha, poor guy. he came downstairs after his mom was talking to him and he was so distraut and out there i felt so bad for him. but then he went back upstairs to get something i don't even remember what and when he came back down he was all happy because his mommy appologized and whatever so it was all good. it was so sweet because i got upstairs and his mom had left me this little body shop bag of things on my pillow. aw! i love his marmie. she's finally beginning to realize that we really are in love and that he's 18 now meaning she can't really be all that paranoid.

on saturday morning i woke up and made the last entry saying that my little "friend" was gone and i was so very happy. :) it was cute because i came back into the bedroom and steve like completly mauled me because he'd read the entry. tehehe! after some more sitting around we took the bus to the mall and i really wasn't planning on getting anything but we went into lasenza cause it's HUGE and i just had to get these pajama pants with blue flowers that are SO cute and i love them so much. they were very cheap too which made lindz happy. then as we were passing ALDO i saw these boot-type-shoes that were SO perfect and came to like $18 because they were on sale plus an addition 50% off so i just had to get those. :) i swear, i'm sucha shopaholic! so then whatever, stuff happened, we ate these most amazing pretzles, we looked like bums sitting in the mall, steve bought these really nice sunglasses.. then we got back on the bus and went to his place again. go figure!

around 6 we headed off to tony roma's which is my absolute favourite place to eat ever! he got this steak and shrimp thingie and i got the ribs ofcourse. :) so that was fun because you know, i don't go there all that often and it's so much fun just being out with him because it doesn't happen very often. after that we walked over to the bowling alley and it was fucking like $34 for one lane for an hour. insane i tell ya! but it was soooo much fun! i seriously sucked like i knew that i would. like i'd get about 3-4 strikes every game, but then after i got a stike i'd hit abolutly no pins down causing me to get under 100 in each game. *sighs* but it was hella fun just to be there with him and i got to watch his ass while he was bowling. ;)

after the hour was up we didn't wanna go back to his house just yet so we walked over to the movie theater and saw queen of the damned which was a SHIT movie. there's all this hype about it being allyiahs last movie or whatever, which is true, but the movie isn't even really about her. it's about this other vampire dude that makes a band or whatever and it's just a lotta bloodsucking stuff. yummy! i didn't pay much attention to that movie anyway, so whatever.

then we stood around for about 10 minutes waiting for the taxi and seemed like sucha fucking ripoff because about every 10 seconds the price would go up a quarter. i realize this is prolly normal, but i haven't been in a taxi since singapore (new years didn't count cause i was sleeping in steves lap so didn't notice anyway) where it honestly was NOT that expencive. ohwell, whatever. i felt kindof bad because steve spent every last drop of his money on that night but it was soo perfect. i absolutly loved it and i know that he did too because he reminded me lke every couple of minutes. :)

when we got home i went up and changed into my new pj pants and his mom commented on how nice they were. :) woo, thanks mom! it was cute. so whatever, we're down there "watching" our movies and stuff and i think we got through 2 of them before we really had to go upto bed or his mom would never let me go back again which would NOT be a cool thing.

this morning he came and woke me up around 10 because i'd slept through the alarm that i'd told him to set (whoops!) and yeah. so we lounged around in his bed for a coupla minutes before his mom came home and i went and had my shower and steve went to the basement where i joined him after the shower. then we watched 2 more movies..? something like that, but ofcourse we wern't really watching them because we were more moping and doing the usual. :P then his mom called to us saying that we should really get ready to go because i still hadta pack and stuff.

a coupla minutes later his mom is driving us to the GO station where she got outta the car and gave me a great big hug calling me sweetie! :) aw, it made me so happy to know that his mom would call me something like that because i dunno.. it was just cool. so we get on the GO train and we're sitting there talking and whatever and then we get there with like 40 minutes to spare but there was a HUGE lineup of people so we stood in line. he went and got food and whatever and then we just stood there.. i didn't want to let go of him. it wasn't as depressing as some of the past times have been, and it was kindof nice being able to stand there with him and have him leave me only when i got right upto the place where you go onto the platform. we kissed and told eachother that we loved them about 2304984 times and then i was gone.. it's so sad going up that escaltor because it only goes one way so even if i wanted to i couldn't run back down and jump on him telling him that i'd live in his closet if that's what it took to be with him for more time. i was thinking about it, but didn't. :\ i cried a little bit on the platform and felt like such a dork, but once i got on the train i stopped and just sat there thinking about him.. going over the whole excellent weekend in my mind.

i swear, this weekend i had a pure perma-smile on. whenever i'm with him i can't help but be happy and SO glad to be with him even if he says something stupid to make me mad at him for a couple of seconds. he always makes up for it anyway. ;)

it's so cute because he's so goddamned adorable sometimes. it's just stupid things too.. like he'll do this thing where he'll get this chinese accent and say stuff from the simpsons and it's so retarted but i can't stop giggling whenever he does it. that's what makes him such an awesome person, he isn't afraid to be stupid. and he makes me feel like such a princess i'm kindof glad i'm not with him all of the time because my ego would be going straight to mars and wouldn't come back. i love him so much it's incredible.

it's going to be so hard to ever top this weekend because it was just so amazing and i loved every second of it dispite the "friend" still being there on friday because i can just lie there in his arms and be totally content without needing to be all over him. it's so sweet. :) *dies of happiness thinking about it*

but i'm done now. this is incredibly long. but it should be because i never want to forget this weekend although doubt that i honestly ever will.

11 came home last night| are you home?

[23 Feb 2002|12:13pm]
happy birthday kittipunk!!!

hope you have an excellent super-awesome day!
1 came home last night| are you home?

[23 Feb 2002|11:00am]
my period is gooooooooooooooooooooone! *dances*

that was one hard night to get through without doing anything though. fucking a.

i'm on steves comp like i said that i would be. he told me that i could after reading the entry so it's not like i snook on or anything, which isn't quite as much fun, but what can ya do?

i should go wake him up. or he should come up here. BAH! the only reason that i turned the puter on in the first place was to get the right time. he has like 2 clocks in here and they're both blinking. not cool steve!

the plans for today are to basically go to the mall, meet up with shanz (you know you're jealous), go out to dinner and then go bowling. lol! this has been the plan for like ever, so hopefully it'll work.

well, i've really gotta go to the washroom (to much info?!) so i'll be going now! *smooch*
2 came home last night| are you home?

[22 Feb 2002|11:23am]
[ mood | stressed ]

grrrrrrrrr... it's starting.

i'm feeling incredibly nausious and i'm not fucking enjoying it.

i wish i could just take a plane because it's so much quicker and believe it or not, i've been on so many planes in the past 8 years that i feel most comfortable on them. :( damn expenciveness.

oh, and the period isn't gone yet. fucking christ.

3 came home last night| are you home?

[22 Feb 2002|11:03am]
[ mood | excited ]

happy birfday manda! *kisses*

i should be leaving in about half an hour to head to the train station. surprisingly i'm not really all that anxious or stressing too much which is a very good thing since i'm terrified of trains. *shudders* i don't mind them when i'm with someone else so i can be like holding them or whatever, but the second i have to sit there alone i freak. :\ hopefully that won't happen this time.

i hate the fact that i always pack too damn much. i'm only going for.. 3 days but i only have to pack for 2 and i have 2 bags full of crap. ohwell, it's my fault and i'm gonna be dying on the train but whatever. most of the second bag is taken up by steves present so on the way back i won't have that much stuff. maybe i'll buy something when we go to the mall. hehe, i know exactly what i'm going to get if we go into the disney store. i don't even know how much it is, but hopefully it won't be too much. i've gotta save the money that my mom gave me for dinner and bowling and such though. i should just give that money to steve when i get there so that i won't spend it all. good plan, lindz!

uhm, that's kindof it for now.

i'll prolly end up making en entry while at steves depending on what's going on. concidering the fact that i'm sleeping in his room again i might actually get up the guts to go on the internet when it's just me in there. like at night. actually, i don't think that'll work cause his internet can only work when his sisters is on so.. hmm.. we shall haveta see!

at any rate, i hope you guys have an excellent weekend and i shall talk to you all on sunday! *kisses*

2 came home last night| are you home?

period fun (haha!) [22 Feb 2002|12:13am]
[ mood | tryin not to go completly nuts ]

i really shouldn't be stressing myself so much over this.. it's not like i can really do shit about it besides sit and wait til it stops it's flowing.. bastards. :\ i think the fact that i'm overthinking this might lead to it lasting longer than expected. i don't even know how long my normal flows usually last. dammit, lindz, you should know better..

stop stressing.
stop stressing.
stop stressing.
stop stressing.
stop stressing.
stop stressing.

7th time is the charm..

stop stresing.


sleep time.
*snap*

5 came home last night| are you home?

the rose [21 Feb 2002|10:49pm]
[ mood | touched ]

sorry for the longness of this.. but i really think you should all read it.

Red roses were her favorites,
> > > : Her name was also Rose.
> > > : And every year her husband sent them,
> > > : Tied with pretty bows.
> > > :
> > > : The year he died,
> > > : The roses were delivered to her door.
> > > : The card said, "Be my Valentine,"
> > > : Like all the years before.
> > > :
> > > : Each year he sent her roses,
> > > : And the note would always say,
> > > : "I love you even more this year,
> > > : Than last year on this day.
> > > :
> > > : My love for you will always grow,
> > > : with every passing year."
> > > : She knew this was the last time
> > > : that the roses would appear.
> > > :
> > > : She thought, he ordered roses
> > > : in advance before this day.
> > > : Her loving husband did not know,
> > > : that he would pass away.
> > > :
> > > : He always liked to do things early,
> > > : way before the time.
> > > : Then, if he got too busy,
> > > : everything would work out fine.
> > > :
> > > : She trimmed the stems,
> > > : and placed them in a very special vase.
> > > : Then, sat the vase
> > > : beside the portrait of his smiling face.
> > > :
> > > : She would sit for hours,
> > > : in her husband's favorite chair.
> > > : While staring at his picture,
> > > : and the roses sitting there.
> > > :
> > > : A year went by,
> > > : and it was hard to live without her mate.
> > > : With loneliness and solitude,
> > > : that had become her fate.
> > > :
> > > : Then, the very hour,
> > > : as on Valentines before,
> > > : The doorbell rang, and there were roses,
> > > : sitting by her door.
> > > :
> > > : She brought the roses in,
> > > : and then just looked at them in shock.
> > > : Then, went to get the telephone,
> > > : to call the florist shop.
> > > :
> > > : The owner answered, and she asked him,
> > > : if he would explain,
> > > : Why would someone do this to her,
> > > : causing her such pain?
> > > :
> > > : "I know your husband passed away,
> > > : more than a year ago,"
> > > : The owner said, "I knew you'd call,
> > > : and you would want to know.
> > > :
> > > : The flowers you received today,
> > > : were paid for in advance.
> > > : Your husband always planned ahead,
> > > : he left nothing to chance.
> > > :
> > > : There is a standing order,
> > > : That I have on file down here,
> > > : And he has paid, well in advance,
> > > : you'll get them every year.
> > > :
> > > : There also is another thing,
> > > : That I think you should know,
> > > : He wrote a special card,
> > > : He did this years ago.
> > > :
> > > : That should I ever find out,
> > > : that he's no longer here,
> > > : That's the card...that should be sent,
> > > : to you the following year."
> > > :
> > > : She thanked him and hung up the phone,
> > > : her tears now flowing hard.
> > > : Her fingers shaking,
> > > : as she slowly reached to get the card.
> > > :
> > > : Inside the card, she saw
> > > : that he had written her a note.
> > > : Then, as she stared in total silence,
> > > : this is what he wrote...
> > > :
> > > : "Hello my love, I know
> > > : it's been a year since I've been gone,
> > > : I hope it hasn't been too hard
> > > : for you to overcome.
> > > :
> > > : I know it must be lonely,
> > > : and the pain is very real.
> > > : For if it was the other way,
> > > : I know how I would feel.
> > > :
> > > : The love we shared
> > > : made everything so beautiful in life.
> > > : I loved you more than words can say,
> > > : you were the perfect wife.
> > > :
> > > : You were my friend and lover,
> > > : you fulfilled my every need.
> > > : I know it's only been a year,
> > > : but please try not to grieve.
> > > :
> > > : I want you to be happy,
> > > : even when you shed your tears.
> > > : That is why the roses will
> > > : be sent to you for years.
> > > :
> > > : When you get these roses,
> > > : think of all the happiness,
> > > : That we had together,
> > > : and how both of us were blessed.
> > > :
> > > : I have always loved you
> > > : and I know I always will.
> > > : But, my love, you must go on,
> > > : you have some living still.
> > > :
> > > : Please...try to find happiness,
> > > : while living out your days.
> > > : I know it is not easy,
> > > : but I hope you find some ways.
> > > :
> > > : The roses will come every year,
> > > : and they will only stop,>
> > > : When your door's not answered,
> > > : when the florist stops to knock.
> > > :
> > > : He will come five times that day,
> > > : in case you have gone out.
> > > : But after his last visit,
> > > : he will know without a doubt,
> > > :
> > > : To take the roses to the place,
> > > : where I've instructed him.
> > > : And place the roses where we are,
> > > : together once again.
> > > :
> > > : Sometimes in life,
> > > : you find a special friend;
> > > : Someone who changes your life
> > > : just by being part of it.
> > > :
> > > : Someone who makes you laugh
> > > : until you cannot stop;
> > > : Someone who makes you believe
> > > : that there really is good in the world.
> > > :
> > > : Someone who convinces you
> > > : that there really is an unlocked door
> > > : just waiting for you to open it.


wow. i'm crying. that's so sad but sweet all at the same time! i'm SO glad i'm with steve tomorrow.

2 came home last night| are you home?

[21 Feb 2002|10:30pm]
ack!

my throat hurts and my head hurts and i feel SICK!

tis not a good thing. not at fucking all.

so i'm going to be sick AND on my period now? yippy. whatta innocent weekend this is going to be. :(
are you home?

[21 Feb 2002|09:59pm]
[ mood | hot ]

today i tried to fast... it didn't exactly work. i know i'm not supposed to fast cause it's not part of my "religion" not that i have one to begin with, but today i decided that whenever people are fasting, i'm going to do it too. :) i kindof cheated by chewing gum but whatever, atleast i didn't eat anything but a grape and i didn't even want to do that. solo made me. *tear* then i get home and have a bite of a sandwich then chicken tenders and stuff at moxies. me=disapointed in myself. bah. i guess you're only supposed to fast when the sun's up, right? so i really didn't break it.. i just want to go for an entire day without eating. i'll be so proud of myself when i do.

oh, and steve -- solo says that he's "steve in ottawa". lol, he's going to take care of me. not like that (obviously!) but he says that he's going to make me eat when i don't want to. bah to him!


*cheers for surveys*Collapse )

1 came home last night| are you home?

go canada baby!! [21 Feb 2002|09:28pm]
[ mood | excited ]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for CANADA!!!! *cheers* *yells* WE RULE!!

and who is bigbluebubble? :) speak up!

are you home?

[21 Feb 2002|09:00pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

fuckin a..

i've got $21.87 left from the $100 that my dad put in my bank card. that sucks! i'll admit that it's way more than i had before, but still!! that means that i've got about $30 in there right now. not too shabby actually.. go me. :)

i hope steve's doing well on his entrance exam thingie for humber.. poor guy. *kisses*

this thong looks so insanely huge. i wanna put it on right now but i, um, can't.. damn fucking period!! it still isn't over yet and i'm with steve in 19 hours and a bit (EEEEEKKKSS!) so this so isn't a cool thing. i honestly don't think it'll be over by then, and i'm going to have to cry, but it will be this weekend. unless it really decides to be a bitch and then i'll cry even more. *hugs the PMS goddess* please be nice to me!! you can give it to me for every day that i'm not with him which is like 3/4 of the time if you really want to, just let it be gone by tomorrow morning please!! i'm begging you.. *offers anything*

god it'd be SUCH a miricle if it was gone tomorrow.. damn, that'd be sweet. but we're not going to talk about it anymore before i jinx myself.

*shuts up*

are you home?

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]